Ever wondered why you find yourself unintentionally distancing yourself from your children? If Yes, then in this guide we will explore steps to understand your own behaviour
You may have dealt with emotionally unavailable people in a relationship, a spouse, a parent, or even a manager. Their actions confuse you; sometimes, they show you much love and affection and, at times, push you away. Sometimes, you think they’re nice and warm; on the flip side, they blame you for being sad. At work or home, have you ever experienced this? These surely can be mood swings, but watch out if you see a pattern. These can also be narcissistic traits. Let’s take you through a checklist of traits to watch out for to avoid falling into this trap, along with some measures to prevent you from crossing this line and having a healthy relationship with your children.
Exploring Narcissistic Traits
When one excessively puts their selfish interests and desires over others, at the expense of others, they often lean towards narcissism. A single parent might feel the guilt of self-care and confuse it with selfishness. Let us reassure you that self-care is independent of being self-centred.
A narcissistic parent fears the child behaving or acting independently. They try to manipulate the child by displaying great care and love while distancing them by ignoring their emotional needs. Pretence comes naturally to them. They can be very critical of who and how the child is, which often leads to self-doubt and low self-esteem in the child.
Let’s Dig Deeper
Raising a child is one of the most challenging jobs on earth and often doesn’t get its due credit, and for single parents, a lot more is needed than credit. It is okay to take time for yourself to keep your sanity, as managing children, especially for a single parent, is a challenge that is well known. However, sometimes parents move away emotionally from children and start feeding off their happiness, which is not normal behaviour of any parent, as children thrive only on the love and care of their parents. Unknowingly, parents sometimes cannot find that thin balance and the lines of care and concern are blurred by controlling behaviour.
To understand this aspect and not fall into that extreme side, we have listed a few red flags that you can then introspect to be more mindful of your relationship with your children. Lets go
Beware of these Patterns in your Parenting
Some of the clear some warning signs in parenting that you shouldn’t ignore. Let’s dive into these to become more aware and empowered to take action.
Are you focusing only on yourself?
Do you ever feel aggressive and distant and have a sense of me and myself? One can drain out early in the parenting journey. When you do so much for your children, sometimes prioritising your needs over others is essential. However, there is a fine line between selflessness and being self-centred.
A self-centred parent will ensure they remain the centre of attention and disregard the needs and emotions of their child. If you find yourself constantly doing things to suit only yourself, take a moment to pause and slow down. Start by writing down your thoughts; if your child is old enough, talk to them about it. Make a conscious effort to love yourself, which will help you to love your children better.
Controlling behaviour
Having healthy boundaries in any relationship, including parenting, lays the foundation of a healthy bond. You should step back if you desire to control and be overly involved in your child’s life. It could hurt your relationship with your child. So, instead of trying to fall into extreme control behaviour, set limits for yourself so that you don’t force them to live according to your preferences. Rather, it would be best if you were more of a guide in their life.
Criticising Often
Have you felt the urge to belittle your child for anything they do that constantly doesn’t meet your expectations? Children learn by making mistakes. Sometimes, they fail to be your definition of “perfect” in their way of doing things.
If this drives you crazy and you always end up mocking them, even subconsciously, then you need to take a step back and assess this behaviour. Understand what triggers you, and take a minute before you respond. Acknowledging that each growing child becomes independent in thought and action should give you much peace.
Disobedience
All parents have a rule book, if not a physical one or a mental one. Your every endeavour is to have an obedient, calm, and disciplined child. But do you ever feel mad at them and triggered when they don’t follow your plan?
Try to create boundaries that are good for you and the child. Speak to the child constantly about understanding right from wrong. Remember that you have to choose the battles and what is it you want your child to see you as.
Arrogance
While all parents want the best for their children, sometimes we hurt them by not caring about their feelings and satisfying our egos. Parents who frequently exploit their children blame and discourage their children for their flaws. Children begin to believe this is normal behaviour and either act like their parents or lose self-confidence. The best question to ask yourself in this situation is, “How is it affecting my child and their relationship with me?” and strive to be the person you
You always want to be your child’s anchor, someone they can come back to and know you have their back—something easier said than done. What works for one person may not work for someone else. As a parent, you would do everything to ensure your child is your priority, but parenting is a roller coaster ride with no manual.
Look for the above signs and work with a therapist or counsellor to heal internally. Childhood emotional neglect can result in low self-esteem for their whole life. We at Rooting You are happy to be by your side on your journey.
Lavina has a strong passion for human psychology and a deep desire to understand the unique challenges faced by parents. Her personal experience as a parent has inspired her to establish Rooting You. Her writing offers comfort and serves as a valuable resource for single parents navigating the challenges of raising children on their own.
